A quick shot of courage.  A cold drink from a friend.  It’s time to play.

Ever wonder how it is from my point of view?

Singing my soul out every night.  Usually until I have no voice left.

While I am in the middle of the show I see the same ol’ guy hitting on the pretty bartender.  I watch the girls’ night out group take hundreds of pictures of one another and then look at the camera to approve before “tagging” it on face book.

I watch the drunk guy in the tap out shirt give me dirty looks because he can’t hear the ballgame on TV due to me being so loud. (Hint to that guy: they hired me to play; maybe you should go home and watch the game?).

I put up with the staggering lady who asks me to play a song I ALREADY played, but she continues asking because “she wasn’t there when I played it”.  Too bad really because there is an entire room full of people who WERE there.

Then there is the guy who always asks for a Dave Matthews song when I’ve made it clear over the 20 years I’ve been playing that although I love Mr. Matthews I do NOT cover his songs.  Why?  He’s that good…I’m not.  Ha!

I watch the waitresses hustle all over the room trying to make everyone happy while most people are mad because she overlooked them by accident.  Don’t worry Miss Waitress I see your hard work.

I focus on table #1.  The faithful few who actually come to HEAR me sing.  The few that know my lyrics.  THEY are what keep me going sometimes while the rest of the room could care less that they are listening to a musician who actually cares about every note he sings and every simple chord he plays.  20 years I say again.

It’s been a long and interesting ride to say the least.  I’ve seen so much and will see so much more.  I remain thankful, yet self-righteously bitter that this may be as far as the road leads for me musically.  My confession of narcissim makes me feel a little better just because I remain honest, yet will it help me continue filling these rooms with music?  Have I realized that I am truly background music and that these “gigs” are not “concerts”?  Am I sabotaging my own stage?

I don’t know what you see, but I see a lot from that stage.

Thanks to you all again…and again…and again.

Leased 5 Apartments between yesterday and today.

Picked up Ethan (my youngest son at lunch and he spent the rest of the day with me at work).

I work for THE BEST people in the world.

Micah was at summer camp all day.

Played at Beef O' Brady's tonight.  

Thought it would be JUST another Thursday with me and Mooch playing all those songs we didn't write.

I was wrong.

Mooch invited Mr. JD Leonard to play guitar and sing with us.  He is visiting home from New York City where he plays two to three show...PER DAY.

I was happy about him being there as he IS one of those musicians that I MARVEL at.

Mid way through the set, Mr. Court Wynter showed up to play Bass Guitar with us.

IF you ONLT knew WHO this guy was....  I was stoked.

THEN after I took a break (and ANOTHER Scotch on the rocks) Courts Father, Mr. Wynter showed up to play Saxophone with us for the duration of the evening.

THIS IS MUSIC.

THIS IS WHY I've been in love with it all my life.

Thank you Mooch for reading my warning signs of...well, you know....  and inviting these guys in to make it ALL better.

Thank you JD for somehow playing the way you play...singing the way you sing and being WHO you are.

I am NOWHERE close to the knowledge you have of this thing called music and I appreciate you honoring me with you presence tonight.

Jr. and Sr. Mr. Wynters?  You guys??? Are THE BEST.  I hope to perform with you again.

Old friends met new friends.

Shots were taken...  drinks were served...laughter was in the air on the patio.

I RUSHED home to put my kids to bed, but they were already asleep....

They know why Daddy works day AND night...

They know I love them MORE than my own breath.

To everyone on the patio tonight; THANK YOU.

To Mooch; I only wish people would get to know you the way I have.

To JD and The Wynters; You are welcome on my stage ANYTIME.

To the Owners of O'Brady's; Thank you for allowing me to be WHO I am and for giving GOOD people a place to be WHO they are.

Cheers....and goodnight.

J

 I would like to think I have always been directly to the point so here goes!

As many of you know I have been TRYING to get back into the studio with Doug Davis at Flytrap Studio to complete my new full length Album, “Broken Beautiful”.

I have been thinking of ways “outside of the box” to make this happen sooner than later and here are a few ways I have decided to make it happen!

May I note that I am VERY serious about all of these options J 

How can you help?  Pre-Order!!!  Yes. I’ve done this before, but here are few pre-order ideas that should be fun, if not VERY entertaining!

1-    Just because you can?  Go to www.jamiecarrollmusic.com and Click on the “HELP RECORD NEW ALBUM” link and you will be able to donate ANY amount you wish via paypal (totally safe and I’ve used it for YEARS).  Any amount of $15 or MORE will receive a copy of the new CD as SOON as it is released.

2-    $50 or more will receive a CD AND New T-Shirt when available.

3-    $150 or more gets ALL of the above AND I will wash your car J Seriously.

4-    $500 or more gets ALL of the above AND I will perform a Private House Show for you and your friends J Yes, I will STILL wash your car.

5-    $1,000 or more will receive ALL of the above and not only will I wash your car; I will mow your yard for an entire summer (using your lawn equipment because I have none!).

6-    $5,000 or more should actually pay for the entire album’s recording, production and packaging (possibly).  For this amount you will receive ALL of the above AND I will come to your house one morning and make one of my world famous Omelets for you.  While you are enjoying breakfast, I will clean your house, dust, do laundry, vacuum, clean bathrooms, dishes AND give you a lap dance (FEMALES ONLY, sorry guys! J)

SO, if you think I am joking, just start donating and SEE what happens!

The way music is recorded and released has change drastically over the last ten years and this is my only way of trying to finish the new Album, get it released and begin touring with my planned FULL BAND, Jamie Carroll/Letters From Jean.

Thanks for considering…and more than anything thanks for your support J 

If you do not want to use PayPal.com for donations, you are welcome to write checks (and cash goes into the bank nicely as well).  Just email me for details. Thanks again!

Jamie

Keeping them in our memory is a good thing of course, but treating what they left behind as if they were still alive is not.

Material possesions.

Some get sold while the more important things are most of times divided among the living family members and close friends.

Some things get fought over by the selfish vampires who feel they “deserve” it.

Come on, you know we ALL have those in our families.

So why the grim introduction?  Why the talk of death?

I am referring to my dream of becoming a full time musician of course.

From the magical age of 16 I just knew I was different.  I knew I would someday be on stage under lights and traveling the world just like my idols Jon Bon Jovi, Bryan Adams, The Eagles and many more.  True I have had thousands of chances to do just that along the way and I am thankful as I know that many others will never have the chances that I had.  Yet here I am age 36 and as Paul Thorn said, “still no hits”.

I’ve entered countless contests and even won a few local ones.  I’ve been included in articles, magazines and even a TV spot or two.  Several of my songs have been on the radio through the years (but none of the paying stations).  I’ve been blessed with a local following of wonderful people that I refer to as “table #1” and I would not trade the friendships I have made for anything in the world.

I’ve gotten more “work” than most blue collar musicians will ever find and again I am overjoyed, yet working a full time job on top of a FULL TIME JOB is killing me.  My mind and my body are far past tired.  I do not sleep much and when I do sleep I do not sleep well.   Any day past Monday I usually have to glance at a calendar just to remember what DAY it truly is.

My “dream” of making it died a long time ago.  It has just taken a long time to LET IT GO…and like the Foo Fighters sing, “Let it die”.

I look up to my local contemporaries who play the clubs, churches and bars every night and I wonder just how they do it without working a day job, but then I realize that somehow along the way they were able to choose their dream over a 40 hour clock punch and convert that dream into their “job”.

I would like to say that this was the case with me, but at this time I cannot be away from my family that much and so the “day job” is a MUST and something I must choose over what I’ve always felt to be my “calling” if you will.

My current plan is to play less solo shows and focus on playing with other artists and bass guitar/singing backup for the Katelyn Marks Band (an amazing group of human beings who I just love being around).  After this year, hopefully I will not feel the NEED to play SO many solo shows for money.  Maybe by then the financial load will be a bit lighter and I can finally go to my real job each day and be able to focus and not spend the day trying to keep my eyes open.

I would love to finish a few more Albums as well, but every time I’ve tried to get into the studio I realize there is more work to be done and that my “creative juices” are not flowing due to working so much and not having enough time to write and create. 

Doug Davis has told me several times, “slow down and don’t get burnt out”.

Doug also sings, “something’s gotta change…”  YOU GOT THAT RIGHT BROTHER.

Another thing…  for 20 years I have played the same 3 or 4 chords on my acoustic guitar and have tried to learn more.  When I hear freaks of nature like Bill Mallonee, John Mayer, Dave Matthews, Coldplay, Wilco, Darrell Scott and many “underground” artists that I love I feel like quitting AND playing harder at the same time.  These guys are AMAZING and I just don’t know HOW they do it.

While I was in Nashville I realized something as well:  If I ever go back, I will say I am a vocalist, but I will NOT pick up an instrument whatsoever.  Those guys out there?  I think most of them were born with a golden guitar in their hands or something.   What I am saying is I would LOVE to play like that, but have NO time to even begin trying to take lessons from some of the golden teachers even here in the Winston area.

Do you realize JUST HOW MUCH TALENT IS IN THIS CITY?

Here is a song by Wilco called The Late Greats:

"Late Greats"

The greatest lost track of all time: 
The Late Greats' "Turpentine" 
You can't hear it on the radio 
You can't hear it anywhere you go 

The best band will never get signed 
K-Settes starring Butcher's Blind 
Are so good, you won't ever know 
They never even played a show 
You can't hear 'em on the radio 

The greatest singer in rock and roll 
Would have to be Romeo 
His vocal chords are made of gold 
He just looks a little too old 

The greatest lost track of all time: 
The Late Greats' "Turpentine" 
I can't hear it on the radio 
I don't hear it anywhere I go 

The best song will never get sung 
The best life never leaves your lungs 
So good, you won't ever know 
I never hear it on the radio 
Can't hear it on the radio 

I love that song.  How true.  So is this a childish angry rant on not getting what I want?  No way.  It’s hopefully a mature step in the right direction and a realization that where I am now is where I am…period.  My family needs me, my job needs me.  They need my focused attention.  Right now I feel they both may be getting leftovers.  That is not even close to right.

I wish I could choose between the “real job” and the music path, but life has been pretty clear in choosing that for me so it’s time to accept it.

I cannot wait until I can rely on just my 40 hour job to supply our needs.  THEN I can actually go out and hear local music favorites and hang out with friends again.

For now I am determined to finish out the year the best I can and have many more fun nights singing those cover songs that everyone knows and hopefully a few of my own.

Like I said at the beginning of this entry, when I was 16 I thought I was different.

Now I know I am just another guy with a guitar and some songs.  There are MILLIONS of us out there and as long as “Ke$ha” is singing lyrics like, “blah, blah, blah…” on what the world knows as popular radio,  we have no hope of being “found”.

Here’s to you Jerry, Doug, Steve, Brian, Austin, Mooch, Nicole, Timothy, Tammie, Vel Indica, Sam, Katelyn and the rest!  Keep chasing your “dream”, but don’t lose sight of “reality” like I did.  My Mom once told me, “don’t expect anything from anyone and you’ll NEVER be disappointed”.  That’s a good one mom.  I do expect the best from myself, however and I hope I am at least giving everyone around me just that….  My best.

Maybe someday I will be the vocalist of the best cover band in the world?  Ha!

There’s plenty of those.  Maybe I will be able to buy an RV and tour America with my Acoustic and the few chords that I know, singing songs about my life as usual?

Alanis Morisette sang, “Life has funny way of sneaking up on you when you think everything’s okay and everything’s going right”.   Who knows?  For now…I just gotta keep working and let that “dream” lay where it fell instead of trying to resurrect it weekly only to remind myself that although memories remain, the dead…are gone.

Raise your glasses high my friends….  Here’s to real life, tangible evidence and common sense (I hope)…. Cheers!

I did everything the “music business” asked of me.  I wrote catchy chorus lines and allowed a producer to even change some of my words.

I grew my hair long (which many people began to identify me by).  “You know, the guy with the hair?”

But what about my voice?  My songs?  A few of you truly came out to hear my stories and my lyrics just the way I had written them…with NO expectation of change.

Instead of picking my lyrics apart and asking me, “what does this or that even mean?”  YOU, the REAL music lover just learned each verse and sang right along ALL night as if you knew EXACTLY what I was trying to say.

THAT…is where I am returning to musically. And it begins NOW.

From now on I will write just as honest as I used too when I first met many of you.

I will write what I feel…and FEEL what I write.

It’s my story, your story…OUR stories.

Gonna try to let go of the pop radio bitterness that I continue to feel every time another #1 “hit” comes along that sounds JUST LIKE THE LAST ONE and just begin enjoying my songs again, regardless of if a “producer or record label” doesn’t “get” what I am trying to say.

I may write a classic rock tune.  I may write a folked out blues country song.

I may write a lullaby and put you all to sleep, but I will do it with honesty, conviction and STYLE.  My own style.

I have plans of creating a FULL TIME MUSIC CAREER by the time I am 40.  I would like to join the ranks of such artists as Paul Thorn, Darrell Scott, Bill Mallonee and many others who have actually turned down record deals JUST TO DO IT THEIR WAY and be loyal to the TRUE fans of what they are really doing.  By the way, GOOGLE those last few names and you will see why I admire them so much.

I am planning another acoustic album as soon as inspiration kicks back in.  I will record it from my home again (much like the Reality Album).

Then I will continue working on my real STUDIO Album with Doug Davis (a real producer in my book) and I will continue making the music and writing the songs that so many of you have gotten to know me (and one another) through.

American Idol, X-Factor, The Voice, etc???   Whatever.   They can have those “popular” TV Shows…and that’s what they are folks…SHOWS.   Wonder how music would be without TV?  What if all we had was radio…or ONLY “Live”?

I will take heart, soul, blood, sweat, tears, laughter and the sound of clanking glasses in a crowded room of friends just trying to find our way through this messy 40 plus hour work week with one another’s help.

THAT is my music ya’ll.  That is me.  Explaining to my kids that the reason they can have that pair of jeans, that Pizza, that family vacation is because Daddy worked late every night singing until his voice left his body, came home and slept a few hours, got up at 8am, went to work a full time job and then took another stage the next night and did it ALL over again…with NO regrets.

Someday I WILL have a full time music career again.  I would love to take what we have built here in the Winston Salem area weekly and share it with surrounding areas…then states, etc.  It can happen.  It’s all just timing and I am finally in no rush.

I thought I had to make shiny, polished recordings to be accepted.  I thought my hair had to look a certain way and my jeans had to be a certain “brand”.  Really?  Is that what music is?  Is that artistry?  No way.  Not anymore.  Thank you Jerry Chapman for wearing many “hats” and performing outside on damn hot summer days wearing cut off shorts, no shoes and a bandana.  THAT is being real.  THAT is where I am returning too. 

Thanks ya’ll.  Thanks for the support.  New and good things are coming.

I started following Jesus at age 16.  Deeply and truly following.  The story was presented to me and I really believed it.  I wasn’t just one of those “feel good” people that liked to use all the catchy religious lingo either.  I kinda still hate that stuff and it makes me feel really weird to be around folks who talk that way.

YEARS of details, church work, bad choices and tears later I was married at 21 and divorced, backrupt and a new father by 25. 

I kept following and learning and growing.  I kept singing “for the Lord” until I met my second wife who I thought I could change and “save”.  Note:  We cannot change anyone.  People have to make that choice on their own.  If we do not DESIRE to be changed, then we will never do so.  These days many of you know that I have learned that not everything is broken, therefore some things (and people) might just need to be left alone.

I did not want to admit it then, but I allowed those years and influences to “take me away” from my prior dedication to church service, etc.  I was in and out of church and “Christian music” the entire time.  Five more years of nasty details and f’d up situations later I found myself going through a second divorce.  Some people will be so “offended” by my use of the term “f’d” up, that they will not even keep reading to find out what my heart wants to share with you in this entry…. Just a thought.

I tried again to continue my “church service”, but by then I was way past tired of trying to figure out why all this had happened and then explaining it to everyone who wanted answers.  After all, I was “the young local Christian Singer” that everyone knew!  How could this be happening to me?  Didn’t I pray?  Didn’t I sing at all the local Revivals?  Didn’t I refrain from intimacy until I was 21?  Didn’t I stay away from alcohol until I was 25???  What then have I done to deserve all this???

I chose once and for all to just QUIT the “ministry” stuff.  The way I saw it if “God” wanted to say something, He could certainly say it without me in the way.  To this day I am puzzled at why a Holy God would leave his prized creation in the hands of messed up humans like us.  Why does he even “need” me to say ANYTHING on his behalf?

Being apart from my children has been and remains the hardest and continually depressing thing in my life.  Although I see them every other weekend and most of the summer I feel it is never enough and I think about them and miss them every minute of every day.

I am a good father….and this I KNOW.  I am proud of that.

My current wife, Jamie Lynn is probably the most evidence outside of my children for me to believe there is a God that supplies our needs.  She encourages me, helps me, holds my head up when I don’t have the strength.  She loves my kids although they do not belong to her.  My family and friends love her as well.  I did not plan to marry again after two divorces, but Jamie Lynn had other plans and for that I am thankful.  She proves to me every day I wake up with her that someone can love me just as I am…baggage and all.

I have a love/hate relationship with God and his Church these days.  I know NOTHING anymore when it comes to “his will or his plan”.  All I do know is I choose to treat ALL people with respect and love regardless of  what they believe or do not believe and I hope for the same respect  in return.

I have very little patience for “preachers” and when I meet those who carry that title I am quickly on my guard until I really understand where they stand and how they treat other people. If I sense that they are truly honest and filled with love for people, then I feel a little better about their title.  However, if I sense that they are self absorbed and more concerned with where I perform my music than WHO I actually am as a human being…I have no use for them.

I have known good, real, honest people and I have also had the shock and disappointment of knowing people who have abused their families, lied, stolen money, had affairs, pointed their fingers at others and worse…all of whom called themselves “Christian”.  This, along with my own failures has caused me to really keep my distance and be weary of every new person I meet (especially in church).

I have met some of the sweetest and most kind hearted people in the local night spots in Winston Salem and I am so thankful for the new “friends” I have made through my music performances. 

We are all fragile, beaten and burdened people who carry around “baggage” that we just cannot let go of and if you are reading this, I want you to know that there is no reason for us to hurt ourselves anymore by opening up that baggage and taking a bath in it all.

Lately I have met some people who have reminded me that the God I cannot explain and sometimes have a hard time believing in actually loves me just the way I am (baggage and all- just like my wife loves me).  How about that?  That is so contrary to many American Churches and Preacher’s Messages.

I am thankful for these new friends who don’t put conditions on friendship and who are not waiting on me with a Hammer after reading my journal entries.

I am trying more and more, day by day to let go of my fear of “what people think” about me.  I encourage you to do the same.  I am not a Bible pusher by no means, but allow me to share with you two lines of “scripture” that mean a lot to me (even if I was a total atheist I would LOVE these verses).

1 Samuel 16:7 “For God does not see things the way man does.  Man judges by the outward appearance while God looks at the Heart.”

Galatians 1:10 “Do I seek to please men or God?  For if I seek to please men, then I should not be the servant of Christ.”

 Well, there’s a few more pieces of my past and my “heart” for you all.  As always I appreciate your support musically and your love for one another.

Although I remain more confused than ever and continually “still seeking”….

It is well with my soul.

J.

Out of the hundreds of songs I have written over the years THIS ONE sums up where I've been, who I have become and the simple TRUTH of my humble humanity.  I have nothing to hide and I dedicate this song to all the people out there who do not wear masks.

Do you think this one has "heart"?

Thing I'd Never Do/Jamie Carroll, 2010 (From the Album "Reality")

keepin up with movie stars/sellin all my cool guitars/things i said id never do

burn a bridge/lose some friends/find some new ones/start again/things i said id never do

it was hard to plan my life at age 16/back then i though i knew everything

so many jobs came and went/so many prayers to god were sent for things i said id never do

alcohol and nicotine/jokes that are a bit obscene/things i said id never do

little white lies/suit and ties/quittin school/divorced two times/things i said id never do

well it hard to plan my life at 35/all this time i just been gettin by

so i wake up early and i stay out late/i play my songs for drunks and saints/things i said id never do

ive had dirty hands and one night stands/ when i walk on water i learn to swim

things i said id never do

Music.   (deep breath).  And continue….

Music.  Blessing and curse for certain.

For some it is nothing more than noise and they choose to stay away from it all.

For others it is nothing more than what they hear on popular radio and it makes them scrunch their noses, whip their hair and shake their hips and… oh yeah…. The “booty”.

Music has many faces and many sounds.

For some of us…it is MORE than all of the above.  It is more than radio.  More than CD’s and IPOD’s.  More than MP3 Downloads and Commercial Jingles.

It is the same as breathing at the least for if it were taken away I feel I would suffocate and part of me would even begin to die.

For some of us it is MORE than a simple hobby and we refuse to let it ever become such.

Music as a hobby is wonderful for anyone who wants it to be just that, but for those of us who wake, walk and slumber wearing invisible headphones that play the soundtracks of our lives…it will never do to be anything less than a partner to our very souls.

Bittersweet.  Blessing and Curse.  Music.

While we have put hours and sometimes weeks of preparation for the songs we play and setup lots of equipment to do our nightly show, please do not be THIS PERSON:

You sit on the front row and yell out stuff we don't cover, get hammered and booty dance in front of the mic while messing with our guitars and keyboards.

Then you start a conversation with us during a ballad while we’re actually singing. At which point you'll then tell us that even though you’re at (insert current venue here),you are really a record executive and you will act above us.

After the show you can get totally crap faced drunk and tug on our arms while we are in the act of breaking down. You'll tell us what songs SHOULD HAVE BEEN in our shows , as we are obviously not qualified to evaluate our own capabilities.

Because we are not familiar with the material you are referring to, you'll fix that by saying "it’s the one with the drums and guitar that goes- da da da da-" and magically we will know what song you are speaking of.

You'll top it off by stumbling passed our tip jar without a cent of contribution and pat yourself on the back for your wonderful performance as we realize you sat a saturated beer container on our mixer/amplifier with a card that clearly says you work for time warner and are a local.

Yes, this happens.  It has happened too many times to count.  Funny as it is to tell the story it’s sad and true.

Note to persons described above: Stop it…and thanks from Mooch 1 and Jamie Carroll (on behalf of every other artist that feels the same way).